WILLY WONKA CHOCOLATE GIFTS FROM THE FACTORY UNDER THE WATERFALL

Born from the ashes of the cocoa bean, comes forth the icon and dreams of a generation – Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory. Ever absorb that hit film from 1971 even if through osmosis? For years children across the world pleaded and held peace rallies just for the hope that someone out there, a Willy that is, would come forth from the dust and supply their need and passion for chocolate. Yes, the chocolate springing from a giant waterfall. The chocolate of which it's secret is guarded by the most glorious of guardians, the warriors of the jungle, the terrors of the trees, the bumble of the bees, yea even the Oompa-Loompas. Finally, that magic is now opened and available to all the children of the world in the form of a complete line of Wonka Exceptionals chocolate bars.

The Wonka chocolate is divine! It sings magic and temptation and truly dances a romantic waltz with the nose. It soothes and refreshes that inner child in all of us. For what does a Wonka bar serve a purpose? Well, consider the following:

• Got a test and haven't studied? Grab a Wonka and go to that happy place!

• Got in a fight and didn't win? Grab a Wonka and get your jaw set!

• Can't stand grandma's sauerkraut? Feed it to the dog or slap it to the underside of the table and grab yourself some sweet success – a Wonka bar!

• Lonely? Fighting depression? Grab a Wonka and learn the carefree way to happiness!

• Work getting to you and can't see your way out? Grab a Wonka, bribe the boss with a third and smell the sweet success of Wonka magic!

Your dreams will come true with a Wonka! You will achieve that bright future of reaching into your television and wielding the luscious nature of true chocolate. One twitch of your taste bud will project you to those great rapids of the chocolate river. You will have flights of fancy in your wireless elevator. You surely will roll around in the candy grass by the “choco” falls. All this you shall have under the watchful care of the Oompa-Loompas.

Probably sprung from the potent flatulence of a monstrous Wangdoodle, the Oompa-Loompa civilization thrived for thousands of years and all the while worshiping the almighty cocoa bean. Ah, yes, they are fierce protectors and loyal to their masters to the end. In fact, they are so loyal that they will strive hard to kick the knee of anyone who threatens their master, chocolate and the infinite cocoa bean. Such a great and benevolent race of men – albeit about the size of a pimple! Because of the inhabitants of Loompaland, Charlie Bucket's future is well established and all the world is blessed with Wonka chocolate.

The film that launched a million dreams is of a simple little boy who receives a Golden Ticket, which opportunes him a grand expedition into the famed Chocolate Factory and it's keys, so to speak. This greasy haired boy lived with his parents and both sets of grandparents. Now, granted the film came out right as the 60's ended and the long 70's began, all of the grandparents wasted their days away either all in the same bed or at least with two beds bumped together. The setting itself makes one want to wallow in rivers of chocolate. In modern terms Charlie was definitely a product and a victim of a dysfunctional home! Whether on welfare, underprivileged, or just of a family practicing ultra simple living, Charlie has truly surpassed the wildest dreams of even the craziest of Snozzwangers.

Dare not to think that Wonka chocolate is the only chocolate out there. There are many great chocolates to be had. This article is to inform the hungry public that the Oompa-Loompas are real and have, under the direction of Willy Wonka's protege Charlie Bucket, created a wonderful froth of love and life in the form of chocolate. Shrink not from the sword in the stone, for it is chocolate! Grasp the title of courage and victory and pull forth the Wonka bar from the dust and present the nectar of smooth to your anguished tummy.

These are dark and scary times. Safety and protection are of the utmost importance. As parents, we have the duty and responsibility to ensure the health and well-being of our children. Therefore, henceforth and forever, it is only fitting that with every Wonka bar received for a child at Halloween two-thirds of it should go to the parents. Of course, this is for safety reasons and assurance of quality. It should be considered the ultimate sacrifice on the part of every parent for the hope of satisfaction for the child. There are perilous times when a mother and a father are called upon to take upon themselves the raptures of the world on behalf of their offspring. This is one of those times. Believe it – and do your best to persuade your children to believe it.

May your days be bright as you enjoy your Three-Course-Dinner Gum contemplating the chocolate universe around you. May the obnoxious tauntings of Vermicious Knids be stayed by the mighty influence of Wonka chocolate. It is this author's wish that all your snozzberries bear chewy chunks upon your palate. Enjoy a Wonka bar today and live to tell the tale!